In this post, Vernacular’s resident satirist picks on their favorite shows and movies streaming for the month of August.
I imagine the pitch went something like this: You’ve seen Avenger’s End Game, right? This is like that, but only the people in a plane go missing for like five years, and when they come back, they’re the ones with the superpowers!
Yawn. When can we watch it?
In the Dark: Season whatever
This series started off so strong. Now, all that remains are complications from stupid actions. Sure, the blind girl is still an attractive nympho, but even she can’t carry a show as the only one with an above average IQ and a cute dog.
If you’ve been watching, stop while you’re ahead.
The Handmaid’s Tale: Season 3
I’m just here to destroy the patriarchy. When, exactly, does that happen?
If you can watch cartoons, and are only sort of into comic books, this will feel familiar yet intimate enough in its portrayal of father/son identity conflict to keep you watching. Plenty of action, lots of cool characters.
Give Netflix credit where credit is due: they cancel crappy shows. This one was a real stinker. The twist at the end of the series (yeah I watched it, don’t give me the side eye) arrives more as an “Oh thank God this is over” than “Wow, never saw that coming.” The superheroes travel to an island and have to work together to get super, but then they immediately turn on each other because, greed.
The worst part about watching this show? Realizing you have a deadline to write a post and there is absolutely nothing good to say about it other than, skip it and watch Invincible, instead.
Vikings Season 6
Ivar the Boneless teams up with a foreign terrorist to spark Ragnarok. Bjorn Ironside attempts to rescue Harald Finehair, who finally lets his hair down.
The Bad Batch:
When did the Star Wars franchise become so unpalatable to children that they had to make cartoons to grow fans? Thanks, Disney.
Everyone loves this show except me. I watched it and thought, Marvel and Disney are just messing with us. Alligator Loki? This is really just a clever way to reboot the entire nine hundred movie franchise in disguise. I wonder who will play Loki in the reboot of Thor (2025)?
The Black Widow:
Listen, apparently Scarlet Johansson isn’t happy with how this was released and is suing Disney for losing out on potential royalties. If she’s not happy, why should anyone be? Don’t watch it.
So, what’s your best bet for streaming this August?
Read a book!