Breaking: Stephen King Writes Book with Trump in Mind, Shocked to Learn President Can’t Read

By Emilia Barrett

Following the release of his novella, Elevation, Stephen King shared with readers his dismay that his intended audience would never read it. 

“If he can’t read, who have I been tweeting to?” a despondent King said with his wife, Tabitha, remaining strong by his side.

The work itself confirms King’s intent. A short book, simple illustrations accompany each chapter and the plot is easy to grasp. Gravity’s effect on a middle-aged man, Scott Carey, reverses. Not coincidentally, Carey spends all of his time on the internet “working.” When his neighbor’s dogs won’t stop pooping on his lawn, Carey pesters them, a pair of lesbians shunned by the conservatives in town in danger of losing their business. Carey learns that his neighbors have feelings too, and his life is enriched by the relationship that develops. Numerous barbs for #45 await within.

“I don’t know how much clearer I could have made it for [Trump].” King said. “I wrote that book specifically for him. The science behind it was practically non-existent. It has pictures. It should have been perfect. Just be nice, it says, and you’ll float on, up to whatever heaven is.”

Hanging his head, King thanked his readers and promised he had over seventy other engaging titles which wouldn’t “[w]aste their time trying to wash a bag of dirt.”

The engaging, beautiful novel is currently #67 on Amazon’s Thriller and Suspense category.

Categories: Book Reviews, Satire


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